When Chainsaws Attack
Or, "How DOOM and Weirdness invade my Writerly Space"
I really shouldn’t go on Twitter.
There, the kinder gentler souls of the internet are doing #writerslifts and tweetering about #amquerying. Scattered among the #rejectionletter and #writerlife tweets one can find usual “I wrote 20,000 words today and I just sold my 1.5 Millionth Book” congratulatories; these tweets cut like a knife, especially for those of us who wrote five words, edited out 653, then set our manuscript on fire.
Oh, we say niceties and clap with happy bunny gifs, but be warned: behind the glass screen, a writer weeps in frustration as the “Authors with a Big A” enjoy the fruits of their “I Am A Published Author” statuses. Not me, of course. I’m fine…
really. I am.
But far more brutal than all these are the #amwriting tweets. There, embedded between the “more coffee” tweets and the “I love my book” blurbs we find the most egregious of all tweets -
the “Writerly Space” tweets.
“I am headed for the mountain cabin, loves, to write my next novel amidst the solitude of the High Sierra. As I look out across the majestic valley, I will not think of you, for I am a writer.”
“I bid you adieu as I close the door of my garden studio; nestled in my floral-cushioned wicker chair, I must listen to Pachabel’s Canon and eat chocolate biscotti while drinking lavender tea. Oh, and write poetry.”
“Here in this smokey urban bar, from the bottom of this whiskey bottle, I find the all-subsuming bitterness I need to write my next award-winning Children’s Book of my series, ‘Little BinkyBoo and her Sunshine Friends.” I hate you all.”
These all sound so amazingly writerly, so perfect…
I look around my room.
It’s not necessarily shame I feel; it’s more… weird Boho, but without the urban-ness?
First off, the Boudoir of Bodaciousness in my Dubble-Wide of D00m is no literary illusion. It’s a real Dubble-Wide, made from real bits of D00m. Witness me.
This is Writerly Inception.
Notice: my writing studio is a lap desk on my bed. It has all the amenties, like a giant screen with a sweet light-up keyboard and mouse so I can write books play games after dark. Which I am totally not doing. Right now. The Mini-Guitar is there so I can toughen up my fingers while watching Cat and Fail videos on YouTube; this makes me feel like I am accomplishing something while actually wasting time. Also notice: the Fire Radio. This blares loud tones at random intervals to remind me that other people are doing actual jobs and are not complaining about a bed that has Wi-Fi.
These people are also in here:
I know it’s blurry. I like it. It makes the ones in the back look haunted.
Note the anticipation of treats, and the air of disapproval at the basket of laundry. Clearly, I am not a good enough housekeeper for them. Peppermint is huge, and she helps me write by wharruffing as loudly as possible at inopportune moments. The others, Lil’ Debbie, Mocha and Bonnie, are there to complain to management about the absolute state of debauchery surrounding this basket of laundry, which may never be done, ever. This isn’t even all of them - two other pups, Prissy and Pepino, are lurking around the corner; they wander in and make noises about stuff, like raccoons and possums. This is a lovely accompaniment to the Brahma Rooster in the Front Yard, who crows at all hour of day or night, surround by his chorus of Goat Girls.
This ambience is clearly that of Dubble-Widery rather than Writery. So where does the D00m come in?
Well, as we all know, Writers listen to music to enhance their mood and make Writing FUN (TM). This means turning on something that can lift and lighten, or created romance…
or in my case, drown out everything else. Enter something relaxing and evocative:
Well, sure - why not?
Video game music is the perfect soundtrack for writing shot-guns-blasting-baddies goodness, which happens with regularity in my WATCHER of the DAMNED series. It also is loud enough to overwhelm the sound of dogs barking. Everything else being all equal, it just adds to the general sense of chaos. I enjoy it, and it inspires me - not to write, but to go download Steam again after uninstalling it for the ninth time so I would write instead of playing DOOM.
Come to think of it, this really is my happy Writerly Space. Perhaps I should tweet about it -
soon as I finish playing DOOm again, I will.